Still, deeply loved.

This morning, while I was getting my water bottle filled and preparing for a nursing session with our newborn, I heard a loud and intense cry from our baby. What happened was our toddler was tumbling around (yes, he is in that stage), and he unintentionally hit our baby’s face with his feet. Our baby seems okay, and thank God my mother-in-law was quick enough to rescue him from his older brother’s feet. Since my mother-in-law was already comforting our baby, something in me said, “Your toddler may have done something wrong, but he needs comfort too.”

I thank God for that moment because I caught myself from becoming a hysterical mom. That’s not me for sure — it’s the Holy Spirit. So I sat down with him and had a little talk with him in a calm voice. Yes, I am trying. Hahaha.

But I saw something familiar on his face. It was the face of shame. I didn’t know I would see it in a two-year-old child, but it’s the same feeling I encounter every day. I love my toddler, and I don’t want him to feel that there is something wrong with him. Yes, what he did was wrong, but that’s not who he is. I don’t know if he can fully understand it yet, but I tried to send that message to him in the language of a toddler.

And it dawned on me that it’s the same message I’ve been receiving from God. A lot of times, I fail as a person, as a wife, and as a mom — many, many times — but that is not who I am. Yes, I may do something wrong, but I shouldn’t let shame creep in.

I feel a little lighter. I battle with shame every day, but this was a God moment for me. I may do foolish things, but I am still deeply loved.